Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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