Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
