we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
