It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
