Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
