I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
