i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
