The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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