I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
