real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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