My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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