Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
