I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
