Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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