im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
