I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
