I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
