just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
tell me about the eggs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
