He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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