But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
