i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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