i don't like sucking hair
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
