Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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