Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
