i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
