I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
