Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
