I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
