it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
