Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
