forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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