I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
