the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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