HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
