You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
