Will you blow on my dice?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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