So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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