The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
