Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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