the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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