apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
