Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
