i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
