What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
