All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
