Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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