he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
