I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she pinky promised me she was 18
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
