woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
