Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
