she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
