when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
