You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
