Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
40s are totally the cure
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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