the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
