And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you didnt know i had herpes?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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