there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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