Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
