dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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