One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
