Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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