Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
And then he peed in my hair
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