Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
