she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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