Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
